What are you really holding on for?
*Get ready for a series of questions*
So … who are you holding onto that you love so much more than you love yourself?
Your significant other, your best friend, you cousin, your mom, your aunty? Who is it?
Chances are you’re still holding on because you see potential, you have history with this person, or they just are who they are to you. But here are some questions to think about:
How is this person making you feel? Are they pouring greatness into you? Is it a challenge on a regular basis to communicate what you want out of this person? Do they bring you peace?
Are you valued by them?
Think about that, and think about it hard. If you answered in a way that reveals that you’re struggling to fit in, having a hard time being respected, and fighting to keep a relationship alive;
then maybe it’s time to let go.
You’re being considerate in a place where you aren’t even considered. Why do that do to yourself?
PEOPLE CHANGE OVER TIME, AND SO DO RELATIONSHIPS
Of course they do. Nothing stays the same. You aren’t even the same person you were years ago. Change is inevitable. However you owe it to yourself to be happy and in control. That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to make things work with the people you hold in high regard in your life.
Yet, if you’re the one consistently trying, and you’re finding that it’s always one-sided, then what are you really trying to save? And WHY? What's most important is to figure out the WHY.
When you begin to evaluate each relationship situation, you'll begin to get a clearer understanding of the reason you want to keep these unions alive.
LOVE & LOYALTY
“But I love them!”
"Love always wins"
The 3 words we always see put in positive quotes, relationship books, movies, etc.
Well let me give you 4 words to reflect on:
LOVE DOES NOT HURT!
I have searched high and low, I've inspected every religious book there is, I’ve filtered through quotes, I asked my mother, my close friends, I searched guru’s on YouTube and Google… heck… I even asked the ancestors, and the answer all came back to be the same:
NO. Love is not supposed to hurt: PERIOD.
Love is great. But not enough. You need respect, integrity, effective communication, mutual energy, the learning of your love language from that person to you and vice versa. Every relationship demands a lot. Especially if you want it to work.
We often associate lust with love, lengths of relationships with love, soul ties with love,
care with love, and even the way someone else loves us, can be confused with genuine love.
This is what you call a
convenient caring connection.
Love is the band-aid word used when trying to hold meaningless relationships together.
LETTING GO WITHOUT GUILT
Losing someone is never easy, but losing yourself while trying to make another individual
happy; or trying to make yourself comfortable in their life is mentally expensive.
You'll have to come to a point where you're going to have to protect your mental health and put yourself first . Constantly putting people before yourself, and giving your love in over drive will not make anyone love you more. Any person in your life who cannot see or appreciate what you add to their life, acknowledge the way you go above and beyond for them, or just how you simply show up for them when they need you, no longer deserves your time and effort.
It's as simple as that. No time for tough love. What is the point?
Waste your time, waiting for them to mess up? AHHHH no... how about focus on you and
show yourself the love that you're missing.
Keeping people around you who don't see your worth or value is stopping your ability to love and be loved by people who deserve you. Elevation requires elimination. Step by step, and day by day. It is not something that happens overnight, especially if there was some type of "connection" there. Take your time and start to asses your circle and who you are allowing to fill up your time and space. Shift into being more present with yourself.
Start by practicing solitude.
YOU ARE DESERVING OF
-Reciprocal energy and love
-Loyalty and integrity in every way shape and form
-Time alone to do whatever you want to make yourself happy
-A chance to speak up when you feel unheard
-An environment where you can be yourself
-Pure, joy and happiness in every relationship you have
Love yourself enough to know what is for you, and not for you anymore.